This blog is not about cancer.

 It’s about people; people who just happened to also have cancer.

My life was first affected by cancer when I was 11 years old.  My cousin Sheryl had it and I did not understand at all.  I did not understand why she was sick when she looked fine.  I did not understand why we always had to leave places early because she was tired but she looked fine.  She didn’t look sick.  I just didn’t understand.  Then one day they told me she had died.  I didn’t understand that either.  She had not looked sick and she did not have an accident…why did she die?  I just didn’t understand.

At her funeral, the preacher said something that has stuck with me for all these years.  He said that when you have a dinner party and you want flowers for your table…you go and pick the prettiest ones out of the garden to display.  He said that sometimes God chooses the prettiest flowers from His garden and brings them to his table.  Meaning that God had chosen Sheryl to come and be with him.  At the time, I found this comforting.  Today, with my logic brain and my general disbelief in God…I find it selfish.  However, it really doesn’t matter because I don’t believe it either way.  I just believe that cancer is a cruel bitch and takes people who don’t deserve to die.

The most memorable time cancer has had an effect on me is when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I knew absolutely nothing about it.  I only knew that my mom had it and that she would have to have medical procedures and chemotherapy.  Because of the way my life was back then…I didn’t get to spend very much time with her while she was going through this and I regret it to this day.  I wish I had been there for her.  Fortunately for us all…my mother survived her ordeal and has been cancer free for many, many years now.  Because of this, I learned a lot about breast cancer and am active in supporting the search for a cure by raising money and being involved in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure and other events as I am able.

A few years ago, a dear friend also had breast cancer.  She also survived.  I am fortunate to have two breast cancer survivors in my life.  Many people are not so lucky.  I count myself blessed.

The most recent time my life has been affected by cancer … is yesterday.  July 19, 2011.  My friend Tyna went in for surgery.  A surgery we all expected her to fully recover from although it was going to have a major affect on her life.  But Tyna was very positive about this surgery and felt like it was a good choice and that things were looking up.  She had been through a lot with her sickness and had been battling a while.  She felt like the surgery was the first step in improving her quality of life.  Unfortunately, Tyna did not survive.  I was so shocked that I sat in front of my laptop with my mouth hanging open.  Then I sat in front of it and cried.  I cried for her…I cried for her family…I cried for all those that loved her and I cried because I didn’t get to know her as well as I wanted too.  I cried because I’d been invited to a “Pre-Op Barbecue” someone had thrown for her and I didn’t go.  I missed my last chance to see her.  But mostly I cried because the world lost a fighter and a genuinely positive and light bearing human being.

Tyna was one of my cast mates at Scarborough Faire.  She never complained of her disability unless it was a little joke she made.  She appreciated everything anyone did to help her and was whole hearted in her thanks.  Despite the difficulty she faced, she lived her life as if nothing was wrong.  She was in school…she was on cast at Scarborough…she had a crush on a boy.  She didn’t wallow in self pity or rage at the world for her poor lot in life.  She was courageous and had tremendous spirit.

Just before her surgery, she cut all her hair off into a super cute pixie cut and colored it teal.  She looked so cute.  She was a little blue pixie.

She played Rosie Locke at Scarborough Faire.  She was the locksmith’s wife.  My character, Emma, liked Rosie very much.  We were friends.  Emma carries several keys on her belt.  Two she can account for as they unlock her Apothecary and a cabinet inside.  The others are mystery keys and Emma is sure that some day she will find the locks they unlock.  Last night, a teal ribbon was tied around one of the keys.  One of the mysteries is solved.  That key unlocks a memory.  A memory of a blue haired pixie named Tyna that Lynn loved…and a sweet, young wife named Rosie, who Emma loved.

Rest well, Blue Pixie.  You will be remembered.  You will be missed.  In all my worlds.