Size Matters

I’ve mostly always been a bigger gal.  I was never a size two…or four…or even six for that matter.  The smallest size I have worn in my adult life was about an 8.  I liked being that size.  It was nice.  But it didn’t last very long.  I like to eat.  I like food.  I like really bad, fattening food most of all.  On any given day, I crave chocolate like a junkie tapping a vein.  So basically I have always been a bigger gal.  I probably always will be.

When I was younger, I did get made fun of for it some.  Not horribly so…I was not “the fat kid”…I was just always a little puffier than average.  As an adult, I actually had a guy I liked tell me “I think that if you lost a little weight, you’d be really cute.”  At the time, I was a size 10-12…which, in my opinion, is not exactly huge.  But this guy liked the little size 2-4 girls.  Ok…that was his opinion so to each his own.  I’m ok with it.  Besides that…he turned out to be a really bad kisser and for me, all bets are off if you are a terrible kisser.  But that’s another story.

At one point I was a size 16-18.  I was really unhappy being that size.  I was uncomfortable and felt gross and hated the way I looked and much of the time I hid in boy clothes like military style BDU pants and big t-shirts.

Then I came across this whole BBW Fetish thing.  For those not “in the know”, that stands for Big Beautiful Women.  A term coined by men who dig big women and like to see them in sexy clothes … and in no clothes … and in lord knows what else.  I was kinda fascinated by this.  I did a little modeling for amateur photographers.  I got flattered a lot and told how hot I looked.  I enjoyed it for a while.  Regardless of this though…I was still uncomfortable and still didn’t like the way I looked.

So all these years later after fighting my weight my whole life and having a few cow jokes and being made fun of for being heavy…someone actually got onto me for not liking my weight.  They told me I should accept my size and love myself for who I am not what size my clothes were.  Well I appreciated it at first and was glad to know there were people out there who appreciated me no matter what.  There were people who found me beautiful and even sexy at that size.  How nice!  But then when I tried to lose weight – those same people picked on me the same way the skinny girls picked on me for being fat!

Now wait a minute.  Yes, I have a right to be fat and accept it and be ok with who I am.  Thank you.  I appreciate that.  However…it is ALSO my right to not be happy with it and to want to be thinner.  I feel physically better at size 10-12 than I do at size 16-18.  My clothes are more comfortable and it’s easier to sit in the car and on an airplane and things like this.  So why should I be berated for wanting to be smaller just because YOU have accepted your size and are ok with it?

If you accept your size – why can’t I go and find the size I want?  Why is that a problem for you?  If I am fat and you are thin – why do you need to make fun of me for being fat?  If I am trying to lose weight – why do you need to tell me I should not do it?  Oh…and while we’re at it…not all skinny people are happy either!  So why do people think it’s ok to make fun of skinny people just because thin is more popular?

So then we take the facts and we stop and we really look at it…and Light Bulb!  The truth comes out.  All of these women…the thin ones…the fat and happy ones…all the ones who have something to say…are ALL – DUN DUN DUN – INSECURE.

That’s right ladies and gentleman.  They are ALL insecure.  The skinny ones need to make fun of the fat ones because they are terrified they will get fat.  The fat and happy ones are insecure because their choice is unusual and they feel the need to constantly defend it.  The fat and unhappy girls want to make themselves feel better by making fun of the super skinny girls.  It all boils down to people being insecure and needing to defend themselves out of fear.

How do I know this?  I’ve done it too.  I’m human and defending our choices and ourselves is human nature.  This…and the fact that I just tend to understand people better than your average Joe on the street.  I should have been a psychologist or a therapist or something.  I’ve been told this a million times.  I’m too lazy to go back to school though.  Woops…tangent.

Back to the point we go.  Lots of people are unhappy about their size and lots of people are fine with whatever size they are.  It’s just a fact.  Some people are also delusional about their size and have these crazy “body dysmorphic disorders” that cause them to do really irrational and unhealthy things.  A lot of that is brought on by those insecure people who found it necessary to make them selves feel better by making fun of someone else.  How sad that we do this to each other. 

If you are too thin and you hate it – I hope you can fix it and make the choices required to be where you want to be.  If you are fat and you hate it – ditto.  If you are a BBW and you accept it and love it – more power to you.  Go be you.  But while you’re out being you…keep letting me be me and strive for my own goals.  In the end – it’s yourself you need to make happy.  While you may make yourself momentarily happy by making fun of someone else…eventually that’s going to come back and bite you right on your whatever size butt. 

Yes…I’d love to be a little size 4 with a flat stomach and arms that don’t continue to wave long after my hand stopped.  I’d also like to be taller, richer and have better hair.  The fact is – until my “Yay cake!” reaction ceases to be stronger than my “Oh my god, these pants are too tight” reaction…I’m just gonna be a heavy gal.  That’s my choice and what I have to live with.  So please don’t try to force me lose weight so I fit your thin and perfect mold.  Please don’t try to force me to accept the weight I am at if I don’t want to.  Please don’t try to make me feel bad either way.  I am the one I need to make happy.  Not you.

On a side note – I also feel that you should try to be healthy.  Being considerably over OR under weight can be very bad for your health.  Regardless of what the number on your tag or your scale says – you should try to be as healthy as possible on the inside so you can enjoy your life and the people around you can enjoy having you in their life.  Don’t assume that thin is healthy – as many people do.  Work toward a healthy you on the inside and deal with the outside as you will.  And whatever you do – consider the feelings of other people before you comment about their size.  Whether you think you are being encouraging (Accept your size, you’re beautiful!  But you’re so thin, how can YOU complain!) or not – think about what you’re saying and how it can feel.

Hi…I’m Lynn…I’m a size 12 and wish I was a size 6.  Are you gonna eat that?