It’s New Year’s Eve. All over the country, people are prepping for parties or to go out with friends or to spend it with someone special. It’s the end of something and the beginning of something else. For some people it’s very significant and for others it’s just another day.
For me…I’m reflecting on the year at least for a few minutes.
This year was a true dichotomy of emotions for me. I had one of the worst moments of my life and one of the best moments of my life...all in the space of a few months. Two moments that forever changed my life. Two moments that forever changed my heart. It’s so strange that they happened so close together.
In 2012…the person I loved with all of my heart, the person I most trusted and loved in the world…betrayed me and broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I experienced the worst pain of my entire life. I felt lost, betrayed, hurt and heart sick. My soul weeps for this loss, still to this day. It is truly one of the worst emotional pains I have ever felt. The pain is still there…but I can feel that it’s healing. I’m thankful for the friends and family in my life who have helped me come through that. I wouldn’t have made it without them. I will never stop feeling this loss…but I’m healing and seeing light at the end of the tunnel and looking forward to starting a new life and heading in a new direction. It’s frightening and difficult…but nothing worth having is easy.
Additionally…my entire world was changed by the birth of my grandson. I got to watch him grow in the belly of my firstborn and I watched as she became a mother. I was in the delivery room when he uttered his first cry. I saw the light in my daughter’s eyes as she brought him into the world. I held him in my arms and felt a piece of my heart branded with his name and I felt a love so strong that it made me catch my breath. He is my light in the darkness when all other lights go out.
My life has been a whirlwind of ups and downs in 2012 and I’ve shed more tears in this year than in the past 3 put together. I put this year to bed with happy memories, sad memories, joy and regret.
I look to 2013 with hope. I look to this new year knowing that I will have my friends, my family, my beautiful grandson and a host of possibilities. I have opportunities to love, to share, to laugh and to make new memories. I have opportunities to help others and make people smile and share my gifts, however small, with others.
I look to 2013 with the realization that my heart is resilient and no matter how many times it breaks, I can always put it back together and that I will not lose the capacity to love, I will only make it stronger and add more people to it. I will share my heart…and share my love…and the broken pieces will heal. I will heal. I will never forget the people who have made these scars and indentations in my soul. I will cherish every one of them for whatever reason. And I will move on into the new year, thankful for what I have and open to the new things I can still receive.
I am broken…but I am not beaten. I will heal and I will come back stronger, faster and better.
To 2013 and all the possibilities it holds. I welcome you with an open heart and a willing spirit.