So…I’ve told you all about my being a plethora of useless information. Now I thought it would be a good time to share the fact that I also have many amazing…and completely worthless…unusual talents!
I love the show America’s Got Talent and Britain’s Got Talent. They have some of the silliness of American Idol but without all the drama and without the completely ridiculous stuff and the obnoxious waste of air that is Simon. My favorites are the ones that totally shock you – like the little girl that came out in her ballet outfit and everyone rolled their eyes…then she opened her mouth and BOOM she could really sing! And sweet little frumpy Susan Boyle!!! I loved her audition…it was awesome.
My point is…these people, well – most of them, have actual talents that can be used to entertain people and make money. All of mine are party tricks that are most useful when everyone is really drunk.
But hey – I’m fun at parties! Invite me over!
Back to the story. When I was little, I could move my big toe right to left and back and make it pop. It looked really weird. And my cousin Candace even went so far as to make me take off my shoe in a restaurant and show her friends. I can’t do that one any more but I do have others.
I can move my ears. I mean without using my hands.
I can raise one eyebrow at a time and reverse them relatively quickly. I can make them do “the wave”.
I can make a fist and make my finger joints pop audibly.
I can pick up almost anything with my toes.
I can French braid my hair with no mirror.
I do a really great orangutan walk – although I won’t do it often.
And I can balance things on my head. This is the one that brought up this topic. I have pretty much always had a habit of balancing things on my head. From the time I was little, I have done this randomly.
One night, at the tender age of 24, I was in a club to see a band. A few friends and I were on the dance floor, dancing around and acting goofy. Some guys were clustered around and flirting with us. I finished my drink and looked at the empty glass of ice and then put it on my head…then danced with it there. The guy flirting with me says, “If you can make it all the way back to the bar with that on your head, I’ll buy you another one.”
“Oh, you’re on.” I said. I walked to the bar with the cup on my head – and true to his word, he bought me a drink. Turns out…he was willing to do this the whole night. I think that he thought once I’d had 2-3 drinks I wouldn’t be able to do it anymore. He thought wrong.
I told him at one point, “I can do this all night…you really don’t have to buy me any more drinks.”
“No way … I want to see how many times you can do this.” He laughed.
He bought me SEVERAL drinks. Maybe he was just trying to get me smashed. Well, that worked…I was pretty lit by the end of the night. Glad I wasn’t driving.
I’m not sure what happened to that guy. I ended up getting invited onto the band's tour bus and when I got back off he was gone. Hopefully he didn’t regret spending all that money on drinks with nothing but the entertainment of watching me balance a cup on my head. Not that he would have gotten anything else out of it anyway…but still.
So yeah…there ya go. I have completely worthless talents to go with my completely useless trivia.
It’s a good thing I’m reasonably cute or I wouldn’t be good for a damn thing.
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