Have you ever really looked at “needed” vs. “wanted”? People have come to use these words interchangeably. I am just as guilty as anyone. On any number of occasions I have uttered such ridiculous nonsense as:
“I need a new tattoo.”
“I need a new shirt.”
“I need a vacation.”
“I need a Chewbacca voice machine.”
“I need one of those wooden jewelry boxes at Scarborough Faire.”
“I SO need a fuzzy hat with kitty ears.”
Let’s be honest here. I do not NEED any of those things. My honest “needs” are pretty simple. Food, water, place to live, job, basic necessities in life. I do not NEED a wooden jewelry box from Scarborough Faire or a fuzzy hat with kitty ears. I really do want them both, though. My birthday is September 3rd. Woops, tangent.
So yeah…people use need for want quite often…because it makes the want sound less selfish and more important and necessary. I get that.
On this same note – it makes me think about “needed” vs. “wanted” in relationships. People say things like:
“Don’t leave me, I need you.”
“I just don’t feel needed.”
“I need you here with me.”
“I need to feel needed in this relationship”
Even in songs…
“…I need you like water, like breath like rain…” ~Leann Rimes
“…I need you…like a poet needs the pain…” ~Bon Jovi
“…I need you tonight…” ~INXS
“…I need you now…” ~Chicago
But honestly…these are not things you NEED. These are things you WANT. So I look at that again. Do I want someone to truly feel like they NEED me? Let’s define “need”. I looked it up and the first definition says “to require something”. Reading further on…it does include “want”…which explains why they are so often interchanged. However…if you ask me, “need” has a specific connotation. It means you require it. It means it is not optional. It means that it is not a random whim…it is important and that you must have it in order to accomplish something else. I do not want to be “needed” in a relationship. I want to be wanted. I want it to be optional for that person to have me around and for them to WANT me around…not NEED me around. I like a good, sappy, love song as well as the next hormonal female…but I do not literally wish to be needed by someone in order for them to continue living. For one…well, that’s just too much pressure. For two – I want to be with someone who can stand on their own two feet. Sure, I don’t mind if they need me to help them with something…or need me to take care of them when they are sick…or need me because the really need someone to talk to about something. Sure I want them to need me for that. But more specifically…I want them to NEED the thing…and WANT me to be the one that provides it. So I’m still back to wanting to be wanted, not needing to be needed.
When it comes down to it…I want to be a choice someone makes. Not a requirement they fulfilled. I wish to be wanted in a relationship…because it was a choice they made over all the other people they could have wanted.
That’s just me though. Feel free to write me a sappy love note and tell you need me. But you’ll impress me more by telling me you want me.
Very well put! Makes one re-think a few "needs"
ReplyDeleteIndeed GoGo...what do we really NEED?
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think people do NEED a vacation. Without that break there would be a sudden NEED for an automatic weapon in the office place and then a NEED for a lawyer and probably a shrink and definitely bail money.
ReplyDeleteI am with you though. Growing up we used to hear my mom ask "You NEED it?" and we would have to rethink what we were asking for.
I don't literally NEED anyone to make my life go round, but my want borders on need sometimes, which might be selfish, but it is true. But I would rather be wanted than needed any day. Being wanted is so much more attractive. Being needed makes me think of doing your laundry and running your errands, and that is not romantic at all. Wanting me, longing for me, desiring me...now those are some adjectives that I can totally get behind.
I'm totally with you on those adjectives...
ReplyDelete