Stuff to put your stuff in.

I have too much stuff.  I’m not a hoarder – yet.  But I have a touch of “pack rat” in my blood.  I have sentimental attachment to things and want to keep them.  Or I am absolutely positive that SOME DAY this random thing I kept will be useful.  On many occasions, they have been - but not nearly enough to justify how much stuff I have.

I have psychoanalyzed it and my completely uneducated inner psychotherapist says that because I grew up so very poor and didn’t have much…and because my lazy father wouldn’t keep a job and managed to get us evicted several times where we lost a bunch of our things…I keep things for comfort.  All manner of things.  Some of them are completely age inappropriate.  What forty something year old woman needs this many cute stuffed animals?  Really?  I love them, though.  They make me so happy.  So I keep buying them.

Additionally – even when I do not want it anymore…I cannot throw it away.  Because surely, somewhere, there is someone who really, really needs this…thing.  I need to keep it until I find someone who needs it and can use it.  I am always SO sure of this.  I can probably count on ONE hand the number of times I have had exactly that thing that someone needs because I kept a bunch of random crap.

So…while I know this is completely irrational…I still can’t stop.  I am a little better than I used to be.  That’s for sure.  This last time I moved, I gave away enough stuff to fill two SUV’s.  But I still have more stuff than I could ever need or use.  It’s just so hard to let it go!  It’s so far outside my comfort zone.

Several years ago, we knew this lunatic who was a total extremist.  One day he decided that the best way to live was to purge and simplify and get rid of everything you didn’t absolutely HAVE to have.  He went so overboard that one day he had to come over and borrow a fork because he had gotten rid of all of his.  During his freak out…I mentioned getting some containers to organize things with.  He looks at me and says “that’s just more stuff to put your stuff in.”  What?  “It’s just more stuff.  You have too much stuff so these stores are trying to sell you stuff to put your stuff in.  It’s a racket.”

He was nuts.  He’s still nuts.  But that one phrase stuck with me and still to this day makes me laugh.  It’s “stuff to put your stuff in”.

I love stuff.  I have a lot.  And I love buying stuff to put my stuff in.  I love buying stuff to organize my stuff with.  I even like buying stuff to write down catalogs of my stuff.  Because in the end…pens and notebooks are just more stuff and I have a terrible stationery addiction.

Maybe one day I will no longer be minorly insecure about having things.  Maybe one day I will wake up and realize that I am financially stable enough that I do not have to keep every single thing because I might need it some day.  If I really need one of these whatevers…I can buy one.  No…I’m not rich with lots of disposable income…but I can throw away a ten dollar item and purchase a new one if I end up needing it later.  I just have to convince myself of this.  I have to convince myself that I am not going to be unhappy without all these stuffed animals and multiple note pad and pen sets and random cute skulls and just…crap.  These are not where my happiness lies.  I just have to fully come that conclusion and be ready to believe it.  Then I can purge more of this crap out of my life and maybe some day I won’t live in a cluttered house.

Until then…I will happily go to the Container Store and buy stuff to put my stuff in.

PS: FU – J.F.