What’s in a name?

So, I laugh at myself a lot.  Everybody else is going to laugh at me, so why not join in?  I do and say silly things…and it’s funny.  So why not laugh?  Sometimes I will randomly remember something I did or said that was dumb or funny and I will laugh about it.  Today I remembered something silly that I did over 25 years ago…and I laughed.  So I decided to share.

I was very involved in church at the time and had some very strong opinions.  One of those strong opinions was about “Taking the Lord’s name in vain”.  So when they moved a new coworker into the desk behind me…and she was, well, not so sensitive to these things…I was a bit stressed.  Every time something frustrated her, she would say “Jesus Christ!”  Well, needless to say, this was very offensive to me at the time.

I ignored it at first, hoping that she would relax a little.  But it kept up.  One day I tried to gently tell her that I found this offensive and wished that she wouldn’t say it.  I got an earful about her right to say whatever she wanted.  While I was frustrated, I believed she did have a point.  Free country, and all that.  But it still bothered me. 

Using her own logic - that she had a right to say whatever she wanted - I began to break down the argument.  I asked her why she would say someone’s name just because she was frustrated.  Why didn’t she say “Ronald Reagan!” or “Lucille Ball!”  I tried to make a joke of it so that maybe she would see my perspective a little and try to stop.  Unfortunately, this only made it worse.  She told me I was ridiculous.

So I decided to live up to her assessment…and be ridiculous.  One day I got frustrated with something on my desk and said “Jessie Gonzales!”  To which, she replied, “What?”  I said, “Oh, nothing.  I’m just frustrated.”  I did it again later and she said “What?  Why do you keep saying my name?”  I told her that she says “Jesus Christ” when she is frustrated and based on her arguments with me, it seemed to make her feel better…so I had decided to say a name when I was frustrated too.  So I picked HER name.

Within about two days, she was so annoyed that she said she was going to talk to our supervisor if I didn’t stop saying her name.  I told her I would stop saying her name if she would stop saying His.  She was livid and told me again that I was ridiculous.  I just smiled at her and nodded in agreement.

I added “Oh, Jessie!  That is not what I meant to do!”, and “Well, Jessie Gonzales!  I can’t believe that happened!”  At least one time, she got mad enough that she got up from her desk and stormed away.

I’m not sure what she said to our manager.  Or what our manger said to her.  But after about a week of this, she got real quiet and stopped saying pretty much anything while at her desk.  I still asked her every day how she was…and I still greeted her and was as polite to her as ever.  But she didn’t talk.  True to my word, I stopped saying her name when she stopped saying his. 

A few months later, she quit and left the company.  I don’t know if it had anything to do with me or our issue.  But still to this day, I laugh about this ridiculous situation.  I wonder if she ever remembers this story and thinks “That bitch was crazy.”  I kind of hope she does.

Terror...at the hair salon!

I am not a hugely private person.  I’m pretty much an open book.  If there’s something you want to know about me, ask.  Chances are, I’ll tell you more than you wanted to know.  People who know me, know all the basics…like the fact that I’m totally in love with my grandbabies, I love Bon Jovi, I love costumes and dressing up, I love Halloween, and I love to host gatherings.  These are things everyone knows about me. 

There are, however, a few things that are not common knowledge unless you know me really well.  One of those things…is how much I hate to go to the salon.  Now…I do love to go get mani/pedis with a friend or with my S/O…I enjoy talking and laughing while we get our nails pretty.  But going alone?  I hate it.  I hate the awkward conversation with the nail tech and sitting there feeling weird when they are not talking.  I hate when they have full conversations in other languages and I have no idea what they are talking about.  And I hate how long it takes.  It’s just not fun or relaxing for me.  And don’t even get me started about hair appointments.  Oh, how I hate going to the salon for my hair.  I hate worrying that they are not going to listen and then they will cut all my hair off or make my bangs too short and I’ll look like a twelve year old.  I hate worrying about them adding services I didn’t ask for and then charging me extra.  I hate how they ask questions as if they are interested in you but they don’t actually listen to the answer or offer any information about themselves.  It’s just awkward and I hate it.

All that being said…I decided that I really wanted my hair professionally colored before my wedding.  I searched Groupon and looked at local hair salons…but that hatred of salon visits just kept me procrastinating.  Finally, I asked my friend Kari about her stylist.  Her hair always looks fantastic and I’ve seen other friends on Facebook who go to the same stylist and their hair looks amazing too.  So I asked for the info.  The stylist’s name is Meredith and she seemed to know a lot of the same people I know.  So I took a shot and made an appointment.  

I was dreading the appointment.  But at least it was a salon inside a shop in Deep Ellum that I had always wanted to see anyway…so maybe that would at least make it a little better.  So off I went to see Meredith at her shop in Dallas Pinup.

I walked in the door to find this adorable woman with peacock colored hair sitting at the counter and she asked if she could help me.  I told her I was there to see Meredith and she said “Great!  I’m Meredith!”  Her face lit up with a smile…and it was genuine.  All the way to her eyes.  A real smile.  A real person.  Not a robot hair stylist giving a standard fake greeting.  Great start!  She showed me to her salon and it was ADORABLE!  Unlike other salons…she didn’t immediately usher me to a chair and start putting a smock on me like it was an assembly line.  She sat down across from me and we…::gasp:: talked.  We talked about ourselves for a few minutes.  Then she asked what I was looking for.  I felt welcomed and like she was actually interested…not just in getting me done and out the door.  

Then she did something else amazing.  She listened.  She listened to everything I had to say about what I wanted and why I was there and how much I hated the salon and what I worried about.  And for those who don’t know me…well, I can be a little loquacious.  Ok, I a lot.  But she listened anyway.  Patiently.

Over the next three hours or so – she did my hair and helped customers in the shop.  I came out and talked to the customers too, and she didn’t mind.  We laughed and talked to each other and to the random people that came in the shop.  It was fun!

I admitted to her that I had been hacking away at my own hair for months because I hated the salon.  Instead of chastising me for this…she told me I did a surprisingly good job and it was not nearly as jagged and hacked up as I thought it was.  She recommended products for my hair…but didn’t push any sales on me.  She did exactly what I asked…and didn’t try to push any other services on me.  When I asked her questions about herself and her life…she answered fully.  She shared.  She didn’t give me short, one sentence answers.  She actually shared things about her life.  I felt like I was making a friend…not just getting my hair done.

At the end of all this…I had this beautiful hair color that I absolutely loved.  And I had just had the best salon experience EVER.  I left feeling happy and relaxed and confident.  And the next time I need a salon service, I will instantly think of her and want to go back to her.  This is what a salon visit should be like.

That being said…if you need a hair stylist…do yourself a favor, take my advice and go see Meredith.  She is just lovely.

Here is the information from her business card:

The Unruly Dame

Meredith

Online booking 24/7 at www.vagaro.com/theunrulydame

meredith@unrulydame.com

text only (469)534-9684

instagram@theunrulydame

It’s funny…as a society, we are supposedly becoming more accepting.  We are calling out bullies and insisting on equal treatment.  There’s this huge war on “rape culture” and “body shaming” and “white privilege”.  And you know, I want these things to stop.  I don’t want people being picked at or made to feel bad for their size, income level, sexual preference, color the of their skin…or any of these other things. 

However, there’s a new breed of bullying going on in the world.  It’s those PC police who are just waiting for someone to make a comment that even remotely touches one of these buzz word filled, hashtag word concepts…so that they can attack.  There are a few people out there who have taken up their cause and they don’t even realize that they are now the bullies.

They attack you and make you feel like a lesser person for stating an opinion that vaguely reminded them of their big PC cause.  So they jump on you and immediately throw all their buzzwords and hashtags at you – when you really are not even close to doing what they are accusing you of.

I took a picture of a woman in a store one day because I thought her outfit was hilarious.  I posted it with my giggles.  I was immediately attacked for “shaming” this woman – when all I was trying to do was laugh about an outfit I found funny.  But the PC Police couldn’t wait to jump on me about it.  Here’s the thing.  I was not mean to this woman.  I didn’t say anything bad about this woman.  And I even cropped the picture so that her face could not be seen…because I was not trying to make fun of her or be mean to her…I was simply saying that I found her outfit funny.

I’ve been known to wear some crazy things.  I’ve been known to walk into a department store or drugstore in my Halloween costume or in my renaissance faire garb…because I needed something and didn’t have anything to change into.  And I fully expect people to see that and laugh.  That’s ok.  It’s funny!  Take a picture and post it and say “Look at this woman in CVS in her blue wig and crazy makeup.  She looks like a nut!”  Go ahead.  I did look like a nut.  I’m glad I gave you a laugh.

The fact is…things are still funny in the world.  Saying that they are funny is not “shaming”.  Stating an opinion on how someone should dress in a particular place is not “shaming”.  It’s stating an opinion.  This is not bullying.  The bullying is when the PC Police attack you for stating your opinion.  Especially on Social Media where you created your own page specifically that you COULD speak your mind. 

The thing is, the people who jump on you about these things rarely take the time to actually find out what you mean or to consider that you were merely stating an opinion.  They are so absorbed by their cause and fighting for it…that they go completely overboard trying to “correct” others.  But guess what?  By telling that person they are not allowed to voice their opinion…you are doing the SAME THING you are angry at them for.  You are shaming them for speaking their mind.  ::gasp::  Do you want to be the pot or the kettle today?

I’m all for becoming a kinder, gentler species.  I’m all for supporting people in doing their own thing and not being shamed for it.  However, the next time you DEMAND that someone not speak their opinion of something because they don’t understand it or see it the way you do, stop and consider who is being the bully in that conversation.  Because it might be you.

Max

It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself.  Trust me, I do it all the time.  And the older I get, it seems like the more I have to laugh at myself about.  One of those things…is raging hormones.  Especially during that one week called PMS week.  My hormones – and thus my emotions – are out of control!  What does this mean?  Well…it means that everything makes me cry. 

Today’s episode of laughing at myself…comes from the night where I had insomnia and stupidly decided to watch a movie called Max.  SPOILER ALERT!  Stop reading if you haven’t seen it and don’t want it spoiled.

.

.

.

.

Max is about a Marine Dog who gets traumatized by his handler’s death and cannot go back into the field to work.  We first see his trauma when he almost tears up the floor of the church during the funeral trying to get to his handler’s casket.  I think that was the first time I lost it.  Max runs up and barks at the casket, draped in an American Flag, and then whines and lays down beside it.  And boom…I was in tears.  From here, we see the story unfold of the handler’s family taking the dog in because otherwise he is going to be put down because he can’t work anymore.  They go to pick him up and the only person he doesn’t seem to want to maul…is his handler’s little brother.  ::sniffle::  I immediately anthropomorphize the dog beyond reason and decide that this is because he can see a resemblance and because they smell alike because they are brothers.  Shut up, it’s my logic….it doesn’t have to be true.  Anyway…the brother is kind of an angry, bratty, punk teenager when we get started.  He acts like he doesn’t want or give a crap about Max…or anything else.  He’s a mad at the world teenager.  I snapped at him several times for this.  “You little brat.  Be nice to that dog.” 

Over the course of the movie, the brother bonds with the dog.  The next time I really lost it was the scene where the family leaves Max in a cage in the backyard and goes to the 4^th of July parade.  And as they sit and watch the fireworks begin…I yell at the TV…”Max is traumatized by loud noises!  Oh my god!  You have to go home and comfort him you stupid brat!  Oh god, he must be so scared!”  And I’m crying at the TV and crushing my Sherpa blanket in my tiny hands in my frustration.  Just as I yell this at the TV, you see this fact dawn on the face of the teenage boy and he gets up and starts running.  He tries to take Max in the house but Max is terrified and won’t come out of the cage.  I yell at the boy again, “Just get in the cage with him!”  He listened.  The kid gets in the cage with the dog…and for the first time, Max snuggles up to him for comfort…and I suddenly have my hands over my face, crying. 

Then we have the storyline where the bad guy comes around and Max barks and growls at him.  And later when the bad guy has a gun, I sit up angrily in my recliner, tiny hands balled into fists, and yell, “Don’t you hurt that dog, you bastard!”

Through the rest of the movie, there are shouts and cries from me:

“Good boy!”

“You better be nice to him!”

Poor baby!”

“Good dog!  Good dog!!!”

“Oh, that’s a smart boy!”

The father in the movie is kind of a jerk.  He lets the bad guy convince him that Max turned on his handler…so he wants to put Max down and he aims a gun at the dog…but mom and little brother stop him.  Still…you can see the anger on his face and how much he hates the dog.  Then all the bad happens…and dad is taken hostage by the bad guys.  Lots of things happen…dad is trying to get away…he has a gun…and here comes Max straight toward him.  He aims the gun at Max but something stops him and he kind of cringes…Max flies right by him and jumps the bad guy – who was behind dad and about to get him - and saves Dad’s life.  That’s right, jerk!  He saved you!  Max comes over to Dad and licks his face and that look of realization comes over dad’s face…he was wrong about Max.  For sure.  This was not enough for me.  I was angrily yelling at the TV…”Tell him he’s a good boy!  You tell him he’s a good boy, god dammit!  He saved your life!  Good boy!”  He didn’t listen…but he did pet Max.  Max understood.  Yes, he did.  Shut up, this is my story.

In the end, the bad guy comes after little brother with a gun.  They are on a train trestle with a giant, gaping hole above a creek.  Here comes Max!  He jumps the bad guy and the two of them go through the hole and plunge to the rocky creek bed below.  I slam my hands over my mouth and more tears spring to my eyes.  We see the bad guy lying motionless at the bottom….with Max lying motionless on top of him.  I can’t breathe.  The next thing I see is a headstone in a cemetery…and I wail.  “No, no, no, no…” I tell the TV.  Then I see the name.  It’s Max’s handler’s grave.  And little brother is talking to him.  I can still barely breathe.  Where is Max?  Brother talks…then I hear it.  I hear Max whine.  And my fists go in the air with a victorious “Oh!  He’s ok!  Good boy!”  Little brother thanks big brother for Max and tells him he loves him.  He and Max go off into the sunset.  Well, in my imagination, there was a sunset.  But it was a happy ending and Max lives and gets the bad guy.  Now there are happy sniffles and it’s three hours after my usual bedtime but I stop to love on my cats before I go to bed.

I spent 85% of this movie crying, yelling at the tv, or with my hands over my face in terror.  But it was worth it for the happy ending…and for all the laughing I get to do at myself as I tell this story.  Laughing at yourself is healthy.  So is a good cry sometimes.

Good boy, Max

The fine line between defending people and being the PC Police

I am pretty much always stunned when someone says that a comment I have made is racist, bullying, shaming, insensitive, etc.  I am none of those things.  At least I have always tried not to be.  I was raised in a series of small towns full of rednecks and racists and small minded people.  As a teenager, I started to look around at these people and decided this was not who I wanted to be.  Just because I was surrounded by people who did not like other races or sexual preferences…did not mean that I had to feel that way.

I haven’t used racial slurs in over thirty years.  Unless I was quoting someone else or had specifically explained why I was going to use a particular word.  I have not used slurs about LGBTQ Community folks in almost as long.

As I have grown up and met all kinds of different people, I have learned about different kinds of people and what they have gone through and tried to learn to be sensitive toward these things so that I am not hurting people’s feelings, even by accident, by using certain words.

Am I perfect?  Hell no.  Am I always PC and never say anything offensive?  Hell no.  Do I make mistakes?  All the time.  It’s called being human.

Here’s where I have a problem.  At what point does all this Political Correctness and Sensitivity cross the line?  At some point, there is going to come a time when we cannot speak to each other at all because everything we say is going to offend someone, somewhere.  At some point, people are going to become so thin skinned, that the entire surface of the Earth is going to be covered in eggshells and none of us will be able to leave the house.

I will no longer be able to laugh at clowns because what if some people CHOOSE to wear their makeup that way?  That’s their choice and their right!  I can’t jokingly call my best friend “whore” (as we have done for years) because there might be a woman nearby who was forced into prostitution and she will get her feelings hurt.  I can’t laugh at the man wearing the hat so big that he had to turn his head sideways to get through the door because he MIGHT be poor and unable to afford a better hat.  It’s just too much.

If I am out in public in my bathrobe…it’s funny.  People are going to take my picture and laugh and possibly post that picture on the internet.  Will I be embarrassed?  Probably.  But geez people…it’s funny.  We all do things that are embarrassing and other people laugh at us.  For god’s sake…I worked at a Renaissance Festival for six years.  Do you know how amusing people find it that I am wearing couch fabric in the middle of a cow pasture in Texas pretending to be from 16^th century Europe?  It’s funny!  Big deal.  Now…would it be ok for someone to come over and beat the crap out of me because I wore my bathrobe out in public?  No.  But to laugh at something that’s obviously odd?  What’s wrong with that?

I’m all for having a more sensitive world.  I’m all for ending racism, sexism, and discrimination in general. I’m all for letting people live their own lives and be who they want to be (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else).  Marry who you want to marry.  Use the bathroom you feel comfortable in.  Wear what you like to wear.  I don’t care what color your skin is or what god(s) you believe in.  If you treat me with respect, I will treat you with respect.

If I do something ridiculous – laugh at me.  It’s funny.  If I wear something you think is crazy – laugh at it.  You have a right to your opinion…just like I have the right to wear my crazy outfit or do something ridiculous.  But let’s not go SO FAR into this politically correct, overly-sensitive world that we forget how to laugh.  Laugh at yourself…laugh at your friends.  We are humans and do dumb things and it’s funny.  Let your freak flag fly and if someone laughs at you…let them.  Understand that everyone has a right to their opinion and to live their life.  You being a weirdo might have been the best part of their entire day because you made them laugh.

Stop trying so hard to police everyone else for their language.  Worry about yourself.  If I have said something that offended YOU personally, come talk to me about it face to face or at the very least via a private conversation over email or the phone.  If you are my friend, know me well enough to know that I don’t purposely hurt or offend people.  So if you think I’ve done that, come talk to me about it.  But before you do…ask yourself if I have really done something that has hurt someone else or if I am just amused by things I see in the world.  Understand that there is a difference.  Understand that if we continue to take this PC thing too far…we are going to live in a miserable world, without laughter, and without humor because everyone is so busy being PC or policing other people.

As a friend of mine recently said, “Go find a real injustice and champion that!” 

You can’t make the world perfect.  It will never happen.  Pick your battles before the whole world becomes nothing BUT a battle.

When you get it...maybe leave a giggle?

Fresh powder gleams atop the peaks as evening arrives

A blank slate upon the ground

A world of my own, alone

Here I shall rule

The night air screams through the trees and my heart

And I fail to contain my thoughts, regardless of my valiant effort

Be not invaded, be hidden from their sight

Assume the propriety expected of you

Keep your face a mask of mystery…

Let there be confusion no more!

Set it free. Liberate thy soul

I can contain my heart no longer

Release my spirit, emancipate my heart

Be gone and the way be shut

I cease to be concerned

With the opinions of others

Allow hell its’ fury

I never feared it in the first place

Odd how the space between us

So lessens the weight of my plight

And the chains that held my heart still

Are shattered and fall away

The moment of my awakening has come

I shall rise above and conquer my fear

No restrictions upon my existence…I AM.

Set it free. Liberate thy soul

I can contain my heart no longer

Release my spirit, emancipate my heart

Be gone and the way be shut

I shall claim my place

I shall not be moved

Allow Hell its fury!

My energy builds and spreads to everything in reach

My essence rains upon all things that I survey

It is here that I truly realize

This is my place in the world

Nothing can change that

Set it free. Liberate thy soul

My heart shall no longer be moved

Release my spirit, emancipate my heart

The woman you knew is no more

I claim my place

Before all who may see

Allow Hell its fury

I never feared it in the first place

-Lynn Victory

Venting

Yeah…I’m gonna vent.  It’s angry…it’s negative…feel free to ignore.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Yesterday was a crap day.  And I’m angry.  I’ve been angry for a while now.  Because I’m tired.  I’m tired of a lot of things.  I’m tired of being punished for having a work ethic.  By punished, I mean that I’m really tired of having a different set of expectations put on me because I actually work hard and do what I’m asked…while the slackers with no work ethic are allowed to slide by doing the bare minimum.  I’m tired of being treated differently.  I’m tired of being singled out in negative ways.  I don’t mind standing out in a crowd because I’ve done something well…but it sucks when that is taken for granted and it becomes what you’re EXPECTED to do when others don’t have as much expected of them.

I’m tired of know it all jackasses trying to tell me what to do or how to do it, especially when they have half the experience that I have…and no authority over me whatsoever…and last but certainly not least…WERE NOT ASKED FOR THEIR OPINION.

I’m tired of watching people get HANDED all the things I worked my ass off to get because they don’t want to have to work for it.  So they whine and cry and “poor me” and make people feel sorry for them and get handed things instead of having to earn them.  They get to work half-ass, part time jobs and then play the rest of the time…while I work my ass off for everything I have.

I’m tired of cry baby, whiny assed, entitled people who don’t appreciate anything they have and want everything handed to them.  I’m sick of people complaining constantly about tiny inconveniences when there are people in the world with ACTUAL problems.  I’m ready for these people to get over themselves and realize that if they want something, they should go work for it…not cry and stomp their feet until someone gives it to them.

I’m tired of being involved with a group where not everyone is treated the same although it’s claimed that they are all equal.  I’m tired of some people getting to do things that others don’t and lame ass excuses are made as to why.

I’m sick of being patronized and spoken to as if I’m an idiot or somehow a lesser human being.  Particularly by people who have a tiny bit of power and let it go to their head.

More than any of this…I’m tired of being angry and disappointed.  I’m tired of watching people get away with acting like idiots so that I get angry.  I’m tired of being disappointed by people’s actions and poor behavior.  It’s just exhausting.

I am trying really hard to let things go.  I keep chanting “Not my circus, not my monkeys” so much that it feels like it’s permanently etched in my brain.  But it’s just frustrating.  I don’t want to be angry anymore.  I’m trying to figure out what to do.  I’m trying to figure out how to fix it.  At some point, hopefully I’ll be able to make some changes and things will be better.  Until then, I just have to keep trying.  But I am just SO tired.